Dear mamag, I read all the posts above and know you are in the throes of grief and overwhelmed with trying to get through your studies. Age shouldn't matter for qualified personnel, but, alas, it often does. Still, if you can gather enough emotional strength from the support group you'll soon be joining, perhaps you can finish and get your teaching credential. The special needs children need teachers who care, who love them for the special children they are, and who have the patience and intuitive nature they so desperately need from educators. So, dear mamag, no matter which road you choose -- to wade and fight your way through the waves of grief and despair, to conquer your studies and get your credential, or to take a position of room assistant -- either way, you'll be helping the children. For your own sake, I do hope you continue in your studies. No one looks at grades. Just pass, even if by the skin of your teeth. You have the heart and reality experience to bolster you when you get that credential and have your own class(es) to teach. Prayers and hugs surround you!

Thank you so much Luvswesterns. I still am looking at the assistant job. I think that would be easier on my body as it is fighting me. You are such a blessing to me. Sending hugs.

You are very welcome, dear mamag. If your body is telling you that you need to adjust and change your course, then you must slow down and take it easy. I do hope you take the assistant job instead of looking for work in a convenience store. You'll be helping the children -and- the teacher, too. I had a dear friend who taught in Special Ed who told me how much she loved working with some of her assistants -- how they were such a godsend. The days and weeks will pass and you'll see things more clearly, not be so overwhelmed. Take care of yourself, eat well balanced meals (think of eating as taking medicine, if you must -- but eat), and get in a bit of exercise and meditation with music you find soothing. Even if for only 10 minutes or so, it is spiritually refreshing. One step at a time, with whatever fills the bill at that time. You have many friends out here in C4J who are wishing you well and praying for you. Comfort and hugs!

I may never find true happiness again. My life is in such a turmoil that I am thinking of dropping out of school and looking for another job at a convenient store. I don't know how much more I can take.

Manmag there is a saying you might want to apply to your current situation. It is many of those who fail quite just before success. When it is hard realize that staying with it builds character and you will be happy at the end when you succeed and can look back at the difficult time and say I made it through.

Don't drop out of school. What are you studying? If you do, you will regret it later. Just smile. Think of good things and let God guide you to better days. God bless you. I will say some prayers for you.

Don't know abut you mamag, but I love classical music and find when times such as you are experiencing come along, I put some classical music on and it certainly helps. You may be in to some other kind of music, but put it on, listen to it and let it soothe your soul. More loving hugs.

Mamag, my heart is hurting for you. I could give you all kinds of advice, but you don't need to hear that right now. Just look at where you are right now. Between the grief and the advanced studies, anyone would be having doubts and depression. Try to remember that when this cloud of despair begins to lift (and it will) there will be a rainbow at the end, telling you that better days are ahead. Just know that there are some of us C4J people out the pulling for you! God bless, Mamag. (((HUGS)))

Elijah13 I am taking elementary education with a minor in autism. I know I will never get tenure at my age 62. I just feel so discouraged at times.

Don't get discouraged. Teachers are always needed and especially with a specialty like autism. I taught for about 35 years. Loved it--mostly K and 1. Kids will lift you up each day. JUST DO IT! Where do you live?

Kids go back to school here Monday! Seems like it's to early. Some schools in OKC don't have a/c.

In my part of Virginia, our kids go back on Monday. I go back on the 19th. I may not get my teaching certificate but I can still be a paraprofessional which a job I loved doing-especially working with children who have disabilities.

CatLadyOKC: for many years of my teaching we had no AC and they didn't furnish fans either.
mamag15: Just do what you can. Our subs make a good amount and no extra work. Both of you: Orange County (Orlando area) start tomorrow. Seminole--north of Orlando and where I live--they start next Monday.

The do have A/C in the OKC schools now & I think Moore schools all have A/C. This is the first year that all of OKC schools have A/C. Hubby said that Moore schools start this Fri.

Daughter works for Epic, and she works with the special needs students. Think they start later this week.

Trynfindit, you went through fire and came out stronger for it. That is a very sad, touching story with a warm ending that made me smile and say a prayer for your happiness.

Thanks aknan. I really do appreciate your kind words. <3

I love your quote this morning Aussie. I really needed that. I am having so many negative thoughts that I am finding myself not wanting to do anything.

Dear mamag, I think I is part of the grieving process. Just remember God loves you and has you in the palm of His hand. I know it is hard, but trust Him. Loving hugs.

Thank you, Aussie. Trying to push through can be very trying.

Hugs mamag

Mamag, remember that the grieving process doesn't proceed through the steps in order; you will swing back and forth from anger to despair to denial to acceptance and more many times before you finally find peace. Take it one day at a time, be around people if possible and know that you're needed, if only by us.

Thank you aknan. I will be joining a grief support group next month. It runs from Sept 14th through Dec. 14th. It is called Grief Share and is run by my mentor and her husband. I really think this might help me.

Wonderful advice Aknan (as always) - hugs

Hugs back at you, aussie. Have just begun radiation therapy and will hopefully write you more later!

Praying for you. Lotsa hugs.